When is a Tree a Tomato?

The farmers amongst our readership must be toiling in the fields readying themselves for the notorious sunshine our nation is blessed with and looking forward to bumper crops of apples, tomatoes and oranges. Lets throw in bananas for good measure.

This news outlet has reported on numerous activities from the bastion of Welsh democracy that is  Seneddton in Cardiffshire. A mystical place full of wizards and no doubt orks and hobbitsis.

We know how much tree beard loves trees but we have yet to see the forests of Wales increase in great size but in fairness that does not happen overnight without some real magic.

How many hobbits in Wales actually bagged a tree and stuck it in the ground waiting for gold coins to exchange in order to pay the rising wizard tax and the new outfit for the Lordess of the Bling

The thing is about this mystical trilogy written on parchment paper squeezed from the juice of Welsh lemons is that it is hard to believe unless you really have smoked a fair bit of old Toby. Summoning apples, tomatoes and courgettes from thin air is something we’d all love to be able to do. It would make hobbit chutney for years to come.

Now farmers are known to be trouble makers in the shires. They blast around in tractors faster than James Hunt, that’s Nigel Mansell to others, Damon Hill to some and Dai full pelt to the rest. Do they not understand the power of the Welsh Wizards of Seneddton?

When asked to turn their agricultural land into vast forests they protested. Have they not heard about the evil eye in the East burning hell fires and sucking the oxygen out of the very lungs of little birds and elves?

No sooner than they capitulate and stick an acorn down the hole than old Wizard of the Waters thumps down his old gnarly wood staff and proclaims they shall not pass as farmers until they have produced bananas for the old, the young and the bananas.

Now forgive this best selling wanabee author of the next CGI film to show farmers at the gates of Seneddshire with pitchforks aloft and magical displays of old wellies to summon the Wizard of common sense out of the tower for wondering what the forklift is going on.

Tomatoes are available for your next visit to Seneddton, N.B. they may be a little rotten.